Disciplining a child with ADHD can feel overwhelming, especially when typical methods don’t seem to work. Children with ADHD often have difficulty following rules and managing their behavior. This guide will help you handle misbehavior with discipline methods that work for children with ADHD.
How to discipline an ADHD child for bad behavior
Impulsivity is common in children with ADHD.¹ When this impulsivity leads to rule-breaking, try these methods to help your child calm down, manage their impulses, and improve their behavior next time—all without causing emotional harm:
Apply logical consequences
When your child misbehaves, it’s important that they face the consequences of their actions immediately so they can learn to do better next time.²
- Respond right away: Step in as soon as misbehavior happens and address it before it worsens. For example, if they hit a sibling, intervene immediately and explain the consequence.
- Make the consequence match the behavior: The punishment should be related to the action. For instance, if they misuse their phone, restrict access to it for the rest of the day.
- Tie privilege removal to serious misbehavior: For more serious issues, take away a valued privilege, such as TV or tablet time.
- Keep it short and clear: Use brief, specific consequences like a timeout or loss of privileges for a few hours or a day. This prevents long-term resentment while teaching accountability.
- Explain the reason clearly: Let them know precisely why the punishment is happening. For example, say, “You lost video game time because you hit your brother.”
Take your child away from the situation
When behavior escalates or becomes dangerous, physically removing the child from the situation can be an immediate and effective way to stop it.
- Remove them to a safe, neutral space: If they are hitting or kicking, calmly but firmly move them to a quiet room or area.
- Block access to the trigger: If the behavior involves an object or activity, take it away immediately.
Use timeouts to stop behavior
Timeouts immediately stop bad behavior and allow your child to calm down. For kids with ADHD, this helps them learn that misbehaving can mean missing out on fun activities for a short time.³ Here’s how you can use timeouts to both punish misbehavior and help kids learn:
- Pick a quiet spot: Ensure they cannot access toys or screens during the timeout.
- Keep timeouts short and age-appropriate: Timeouts should be brief—about one minute for each year of your child’s age. For example, if your child is 8 years old, try keeping the timeout to around 8 minutes. This short break allows them to calm down without feeling overly punished.
- Talk after the timeout: Explain what they did wrong and what behavior is expected next time.
Staying calm when disciplining kids with ADHD
Staying calm when disciplining kids with ADHD is important because it prevents situations from spiraling out of control.⁴ Kids with ADHD often struggle to manage their emotions, and when parents react with anger or frustration, it can escalate quickly into meltdowns. To stay calm in the heat of the moment:
Take a brief pause
Pausing before reacting allows you to control your emotions. This also helps you to calm down when your child starts throwing tantrums. To pause properly:
- Take a deep breath or count to five: Pausing for a few seconds and counting to five silently can help you reset and reduce emotional reactions.
- Step back if possible: If you feel overwhelmed, physically stepping away briefly can help calm your nerves.
- Practice calming thoughts: Quickly remind yourself that staying calm will help you handle the situation better.
Focus on your breathing
Breathing exercises can immediately reduce tension and help you regain control of your emotions. This works when you:
- Breathe in slowly: Breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Do this for a few cycles to slow your heart rate.
- Try the 4-7-8 technique: Another breathing technique is the 4-7-8 method. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds to help you relax.
- Keep breathing steady during the interaction: This helps maintain a calm and collected demeanor while addressing the behavior.
Use physical grounding techniques
Grounding techniques can quickly pull you out of frustration and refocus your mind on the present. To do this:
- Focus on physical sensations: Clench and release your fists, wiggle your toes, or feel the texture of an object in your hand. This immediately redirects your focus from intense frustration to what you’re doing.
- Do a quick body scan: This grounding technique redirects your focus to how your body feels. Mentally check each part of your body for tension and release it.
- Tap or press your fingers together: This simple action helps release nervous tension and brings your focus back to the present, making it easier to stay calm.
Speak slowly and deliberately
Speaking slowly forces you to think through your words and prevents impulsive or emotional responses. To do this:
- Choose your words carefully: Stick to simple phrases that explain the behavior and consequence.
- Pause between sentences if needed: Pausing gives you and your child time to process what’s being said.
Residential Treatment for Kids with ADHD
Disciplining a child with ADHD can be overwhelming. You may have tried different methods, only to feel frustrated and unsure of what to do next. We understand the challenge, which is why our Residential Treatment Program provides personalized support to build better discipline and create a calmer home. Contact us today to learn more.
Long-term discipline approach for parenting children with ADHD
Stopping bad behavior immediately is important, but long-term discipline is about helping your child build good habits. It teaches them to control their emotions and make better choices.⁵ To achieve this:
Create consistent routines
Routines work because they give kids with ADHD a sense of security. Knowing what comes next reduces anxiety and helps them stay focused without becoming overwhelmed by unexpected changes. This approach works best when you:
- Set fixed schedules for key tasks: Keep wake-up, meal, and bedtime routines the same daily to build consistency.
- Use visual reminders: Simple charts or calendars help children visualize their day and stay on task.
- Reward consistency: Praise or offer small incentives when they stick to routines for a set period.
Teach problem-solving and decision-making skills
Problem-solving is a good discipline approach when parenting a child with ADHD because it encourages them to think before they act.
Instead of reacting impulsively, they learn to pause, assess the situation, and find solutions. This builds their ability to handle conflict calmly and prevents repeated misbehavior. This approach works best when you:
- Revisit past problems calmly: After incidents, discuss what they could have done differently to solve the issue.
- Use real-life examples: When a problem arises, ask them to suggest solutions and discuss the best option.
- Model decision-making: Walk them through your decisions, explaining your thought process so that they’ll learn how to make decisions better.
Reinforce positive behavior regularly
Reinforcing positive behavior over time motivates children to make good choices consistently. This works when you:
- Praise specific behaviors: Instead of general praise, say, “I noticed you shared your toys without being asked.”
- Give rewards for good behavior: Implement small rewards like stickers or tokens that build up to a larger privilege.
- Celebrate progress, not perfection: Acknowledge improvement to keep them motivated, even if it’s small.
Gradually build independence with responsibility
Gradually giving children more responsibility helps them become accountable and develop self-discipline. This approach works best when you:
- Start small: Assign simple tasks, such as tidying their room, and increase responsibility gradually.
- Provide choices: Let them make decisions between acceptable options to practice decision-making.
- Link rewards to responsibility: Allow greater privileges as they consistently meet their goals.
Build emotional regulation skills
Teaching emotional regulation helps children manage frustration and control their reactions, especially since ADHD may cause them to struggle with emotional control. You can foster this by:
- Teaching calming techniques: Practice deep breathing or counting exercises when they feel overwhelmed.
- Creating a calming space: Designate an area where they can cool down when upset.
- Modeling healthy emotional responses: Show them how to handle difficult emotions in a calm, controlled way.
When to get professional help to discipline kids with ADHD
Parenting a child with ADHD can be challenging, and it’s normal for parents to wonder if they’re on the right track. While many discipline methods work well at home, there are situations where professional help may be necessary to support both the child and the family.
Persistent or severe behavioral issues
If your child consistently struggles with extreme or challenging behavior despite using various discipline techniques, it may be time to seek help. Some warning signs include:
- Frequent aggressive outbursts: If your child frequently hits, kicks, or becomes violent toward others.
- Severe defiance: Constantly ignoring rules or refusing to follow instructions.
- Harming themselves or others: Engaging in dangerous behavior, such as self-harm or putting others at risk.
School or social struggles
When a child’s behavior starts affecting their performance in school or their ability to maintain friendships, professional help can provide new ways to offer support. Contact a teen mental health counselor when you notice:
- Consistent trouble in the classroom: Teachers report ongoing behavioral problems affecting learning.
- Difficulty maintaining friendships: Your child struggles to form or sustain positive peer relationships.
- Withdrawal or isolation: The child shows signs of avoiding social situations due to behavioral difficulties.
Parental burnout or emotional distress
Managing an ADHD child’s behavior can be overwhelming, and parents may experience stress, frustration, or feelings of inadequacy. It’s essential to seek help when:
- You feel constantly overwhelmed: Parenting is a daily battle with no breaks.
- Family conflict increases: Sibling relationships or marital harmony suffer from the stress of disciplining your child.
- You question your ability to teach your child: Frequent doubts about whether you’re doing things right.
Lack of progress despite consistent effort
It may be time to get professional advice if you’ve been using structured discipline methods but aren’t seeing progress.
- No improvement after trying different approaches: Your child’s behavior stays the same or worsens.
- Continual misbehavior in multiple settings: The child’s difficulties persist at home, school, or during social activities.
Final thoughts
Disciplining a child with ADHD is about finding the right balance between immediate action and long-term guidance. But remember, progress takes time, and seeking support when needed is okay.
If you ever feel unsure or need extra guidance, consider reaching to our counselors at Averys House.
(480) 360-4989
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Sources
1. American Academy of Pediatrics. ADHD: Clinical Practice Guideline for the Diagnosis, Evaluation, and Treatment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Children and Adolescents. Pediatrics. 2011;128(5):1007-1022. doi:10.1542/peds.2011-2654
2. Fabiano GA, Pelham WE Jr, Coles EK, Gnagy EM, Chronis-Tuscano A, O’Connor BB. A meta-analysis of behavioral treatments for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Clin Psychol Rev. 2009 Mar;29(2):129-140. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2008.11.001. Epub 2008 Nov 11. PMID: 19131150
3. Abikoff HB, Thompson M, Laver-Bradbury C, Long N, Forehand R, Brotman LM, Klein RG, Reiss P, Huo L, Sonuga-Barke E. Parent training for preschool ADHD: A randomized controlled trial of specialized and generic programs. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2014 Oct 16;56(6):618–631. doi:10.1111/jcpp.12346. PMID: 25318650; PMCID: PMC4400193
4. Dale C, Parent J, Forehand R, DiMarzio K, Sonuga‐Barke E, Long N, Abikoff HB. Behavioral Parent Training for Preschool ADHD: Family‐Centered Profiles Predict Changes in Parenting and Child Outcomes. J Clin Child Adolesc Psychol. 2021 Jan 25;51(5):726–739. doi:10.1080/15374416.2020.1867987. PMID: 33492172; PMCID: PMC8310537.
5. Nigg JT. Annual Research Review: On the relations among self-regulation, self-control, executive functioning, effortful control, cognitive control, impulsivity, risk-taking, and inhibition for developmental psychopathology. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2017;58(4):361-383. doi:10.1111/jcpp.12673
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Author: Editorial Staff
FEBRUARY 7, 2025