Disciplining a child with autism for hitting can be challenging. Still, the right approach can help them learn better ways to express themselves. This guide will walk you through why hitting happens, how to respond at the moment, and what you can do to prevent it in the future—all while keeping discipline firm, fair, and supportive.
Why do children with autism resort to hitting?
Many factors can lead to aggressive behaviors like hitting. These include:
Difficulty with communication
Children with autism often have trouble expressing their needs, emotions, or frustrations with words.¹ This can lead to hitting when they:
- Feel overwhelmed: When they cannot verbally express their frustrations or needs, they may resort to physical actions like hitting. This can happen when they feel lost, confused, or unable to ask for help.
- Struggle to express emotions: Some children may not have the words to communicate emotions such as anger, sadness, or frustration. When these feelings build up, they might use hitting to release tension.
- Misunderstand social cues: Interpreting body language, tone of voice, or social expectations can be difficult for children with autism. If they misread a situation or feel misunderstood, they may react physically instead of using words or gestures to clarify their feelings.²
Difficulty with self-regulation
Self-regulation helps children manage their emotions and reactions. When a child struggles with this, hitting can happen when they:
- Have trouble calming down: They struggle to settle after feeling upset or excited.
- Get frustrated with change: Sudden changes in routine or unexpected events can be upsetting.
- Struggle with patience: Waiting, taking turns, or dealing with disappointment may be challenging.³
Copying what they see
Children often learn behaviors by observing those around them; hitting can sometimes be a learned response. In some cases, they hit because:
- They observe aggressive behavior: If they see others using aggression, they might think it’s an acceptable way to respond to frustration or conflict.
- They experience rough play or physical discipline: Being exposed to physical violence at home or in other settings can make hitting seem like a normal reaction.
- They imitate actions without understanding them: Some children with autism may copy what they see, even if they don’t fully grasp when or why a behavior is appropriate.
Seeking attention or a reaction
Some children hit because they are trying to get your attention or a reaction from others.⁴ This can happen when they:
- Want attention: They may not know how to ask appropriately for interaction.
- Feel ignored or left out: They may not know how to engage positively with others.
Sensory overload
Autistic children often have heightened or reduced sensitivity to sounds, lights, textures, or other sensory input. Hitting can be a response when they:
- Experience overstimulation: Loud noises, bright lights, or crowded places can be overwhelming. Some children hit as a way to escape or cope when they feel overloaded.
- Feel discomfort from certain stimuli: Certain fabrics, food textures, or unexpected touches can be uncomfortable. They may hit someone to avoid it if they can’t express discomfort.
- Seek sensory input: Some children with autism need intense physical sensations, like deep pressure, to feel calm or focused. If they don’t know how to get this safely—such as using a weighted blanket or squeezing a stress ball—they may resort to hitting to create the sensation they crave.
Disciplining an autistic child during a hitting episode
Handling a hitting episode requires patience and a calm approach. Reacting too harshly or emotionally can escalate the situation. Instead, focus on de-escalation and teaching alternative behaviors.
Stay calm and composed
Your reaction sets the tone for how the child will respond. Staying calm helps prevent further escalation. To stay calm:
- Control your emotions: Take deep breaths and speak in a steady voice to avoid raising tension.
- Use a neutral expression: Avoid looking angry or overly emotional, as this can increase the child’s distress.
- Give short, clear instructions: Instead of long explanations, say simple phrases like “Hands to yourself” or “No hitting.”
Ensure safety for everyone
When a child is hitting, safety is the priority. Reduce risk by:
- Creating space: Move away or gently guide others to prevent injury.
- Blocking without aggression: Use your arms or soft objects to shield yourself without aggressively grabbing or restraining the child.
- Removing potential triggers: If possible, move the child to a quieter area with fewer distractions.
Use visual or verbal redirection
Redirecting the child’s attention can help stop the hitting and shift their focus to a more appropriate action.⁵ Try:
- Offering an alternative: Hand them a stress ball or a fidget toy to keep their hands occupied.
- Using a visual cue: Show them a “calm hands” picture or a stop sign symbol.
- Encouraging a replacement behavior: Teach them to clap their hands, hug themselves, or use words like “I need space.”
Follow up with consequences
Once the child is calm, it’s essential to provide clear and clear, easy-to-understand consequences so they understand what is expected moving forward. Here’s how:
- Make consequences immediate and related: If they hit to avoid an activity, have them return to it once calm.
- Teach through logical consequences: Instead of punishment, reinforce positive behaviors by teaching them appropriate actions, such as practicing gentle touch.
- Be consistent: Ensure all caregivers respond the same way every time to avoid confusion and reinforce learning.
Need help managing your child’s behavior?
Avery’s House offers therapy and guidance to help children with autism develop better emotional regulation and communication. If your child struggles with frustration or hitting, contact us today to see how we can support your family.
Long-term discipline techniques for children on the autism spectrum
Long-term discipline focuses on preventing bad behavior before it starts. Here are disciplinary methods to prevent bad behavior in autistic children:
Set clear and consistent expectations
Children with autism spectrum disorder do best when they know what to expect each day. Making rules clear and consistent helps them understand what is expected. You can do this by:
- Use visual schedules: Display a daily routine with pictures or symbols to help reinforce structure.
- Create simple, clear rules: Keep rules short and easy to understand, such as “Use gentle hands.”
- Give reminders frequently: Reinforce expectations with verbal or visual cues before potential challenges arise.
Reinforce positive behaviors
Positive reinforcement encourages children to repeat appropriate behaviors.⁵ You can do this by:
- Using rewards that matter to them: Offer favorite toys, activities, or praise when they follow the rules.
- Being specific with praise: Instead of saying “Good job,” say “Great job keeping your hands to yourself.”
- Creating a reward chart: Track progress with stickers or tokens to motivate good behavior.
Teach alternative ways to express frustration
Helping your child find safe, acceptable ways to express emotions can reduce hitting and other aggressive behaviors a child may display. This works well when you:
- Model appropriate reactions: Show them how to take deep breaths, use words, or walk away when upset.
- Introduce calming tools: Offer stress balls, weighted blankets, or sensory-friendly spaces for self-regulation.
- Encourage communication: If verbal communication is difficult, teach sign language, picture cards, or tools like picture boards, apps with symbols, or hand signs to help them express themselves.
Use logical and natural consequences
Consequences should be meaningful and directly related to the behavior to help your child understand the connection between actions and outcomes. Some helpful approaches include:
- Redirecting instead of punishing: If a child throws a toy, have them pick it up instead of using time-outs.
- Teaching cause and effect: Help them understand the consequences of their choices in a safe way. For example, if they refuse to wear a coat, let them feel the cold for a short moment while staying nearby to ensure they don’t get too uncomfortable.
- Practicing do-overs: If they grab instead of asking, have them practice using their words before receiving the item.
Build emotional regulation skills
Helping children understand and manage their emotions reduces frustration and outbursts. Support their growth by:
- Naming emotions: Teach them to identify and label feelings like anger, sadness, or excitement.
- Creating a calm-down plan: Have a step-by-step process for handling strong emotions, such as deep breathing or counting to ten.
- Practicing self-regulation regularly: Use role-playing or social stories to reinforce appropriate responses in different situations.
Getting professional help for an autistic child’s hitting behavior
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, a child with autism may still struggle with hitting. If your child often hits you or others, it may be time to get professional help. Getting expert help can teach your child better ways to handle frustration instead of hitting. You should consider reaching out if your child:
- Hurts themselves or others regularly: Persistent aggression or tantrums may indicate an underlying issue that requires professional evaluation.
- Struggles to respond to redirection: If attempts to teach alternative behaviors are unsuccessful, additional support may be needed.
- Has trouble regulating emotions: Therapists can help your child learn coping skills to manage frustration and anger.
- Displays increasing stress or anxiety: A professional can identify stressors contributing to hitting and develop strategies to reduce them.
Experts in applied behavior analysis (ABA) can help your child learn positive behaviors and stop hitting. Because every child with autism is different, a custom plan can help them manage emotions and communicate better.
Final thoughts
Disciplining a child with autism for hitting is about teaching, not punishment. It takes patience, consistency, and understanding. Learning why hitting happens and responding calmly can help your child develop better ways to express frustration.
If you need additional support, Avery’s House is here to help. Contact us today to learn how we can provide personalized guidance and professional care to support your child’s growth and development.
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Sources
1. Urman AA. Behavioral Interventions for Aggressive Behaviors in Students with Autism Spectrum Disorder [thesis]. St Cloud, MN: St Cloud State University; 2021. Available from: https://repository.stcloudstate.edu/sped_etds/114
2. Cardinal A. Aggressive Behaviors in Students with Autism: A Review of Behavioral Interventions [thesis]. St Cloud, MN: St Cloud State University; 2016. Available from: https://repository.stcloudstate.edu/sped_etds/9
3. Foxx RM, Meindl J. The long-term successful treatment of the aggressive/destructive behaviors of a preadolescent with autism. Behav Interv. 2007;22(1):83–97. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1002/bin.233
4. Gerhardt PF, Weiss MJ, Delmolino L. Treatment of severe aggression in an adolescent with autism. Behav Anal Today. 2003;4(4):386–394. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1002/bin.232
5. Weston R, Hodges A, Davis TN. Differential reinforcement of other behaviors to treat challenging behaviors among children with autism: A systematic and quality review. Behav Modif. 2018;42(4):584–609. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1177/0145445517743487
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Author: Editorial Staff
FEBRUARY 18, 2025