Parents feel scared, confused, and unsure of what to do when a teen runs away. For many families, this is an unexpected and overwhelming experience. Whether it happens suddenly or has been building for a while, it’s a situation no parent wants to face.
This guide is here to help you understand what it means when teens run away and how to respond in a way that supports your child and your family.
What are the common reasons why teens run away?
Teens may run away for various reasons. Some of the common reasons include:
Family conflict
Tension between teens and parents, especially around issues like curfews, rules, and expectations, can make teens feel that running away is their only option. 1 This often happens when:
- They feel unsupported: Teens may think their concerns are dismissed, leading them to seek acceptance elsewhere.
- Conflicts with authority: Struggles with parental authority may make teens feel the need to rebel and break free.
- Stress becomes too much: Unresolved family issues can create a constant source of stress, prompting teens to leave for relief.
Abuse or neglect
Teens experiencing physical, emotional, or sexual abuse may run away from home to escape their situation and seek safety. 1 This can occur when:
- They fear for their safety: If they are in immediate danger, teens may leave to find a safer environment.
- Emotional neglect weighs on them: When emotional neglect becomes too overwhelming, teens may flee to find care and support.
- They feel desperate for attention: Teens may run away, hoping to find someone to show them love and affection.
Mental health struggles
Adolescents struggling with anxiety, depression, oppositional defiant disorder, or other mental health challenges might run away to cope or avoid facing their emotions. This often happens when:
- Emotions feel overwhelming: Teens dealing with intense emotions may feel running away is the only way to escape.
- Support is lacking: Without adequate emotional support at home, teens might see running away as the only option.
- They fear being judged: Teens may run away to avoid the fear of being misunderstood or judged for their struggles.
Seeking freedom or independence
Some teens run away to escape rules they find too restrictive, hoping to find freedom and control over their lives. This often happens when:
- Boundaries feel too tight: Teens may feel running away is the only way to regain control over their decisions.
- They crave privacy: The desire for personal space and freedom from supervision can drive teens to leave home.
Romantic relationships
Teens in romantic relationships may run away because they feel more understood or validated by their partner than by their family. This can happen when:
- The emotional bond feels stronger: Teens may feel their partner offers more support and affection than their family.
- Their partner shares similar struggles: If their partner faces family issues, teens may bond over these shared experiences and choose to run away together.
- Family conflicts seem overwhelming: The emotional intensity of a romantic relationship can make teens feel that escaping family conflict through running away is the only solution.
What are the warning signs that indicate a teen might run away?
Certain behaviors or changes in a teen’s attitude and actions may signal that they are considering running away. Some common signs include:
Withdrawal from family
Teens who are thinking about running away may distance themselves from their families. This can be seen when they:
- Avoid family interactions: Spending more time alone and refusing to engage in conversations or family activities.
- Reject authority: Increased defiance toward parental rules or expectations, signaling a growing disconnect.
- Express frustration: Constant complaints about family life or threats to run away may indicate a desire to escape, or in some cases, they might even threaten to run away to express their dissatisfaction.
Sudden changes in behavior or appearance
A change in behavior or appearance might suggest that a teen is planning to leave home. This behavior change can include:
- Unexplained absences: Missing curfews, staying out later, or disappearing without explanation may indicate plans to run away.
- Secretive acts: Engaging in new, secretive activities, possibly involving friends who encourage running away.
Emotional distress
Teens thinking about running away often experience heightened emotional stress. This can be seen when they:
- Show signs of depression: Persistent sadness, hopelessness, or a lack of interest in activities they once enjoyed, indicating underlying emotional pain.
- Express feelings of worthlessness: Negative self-talk or statements like “no one cares,” signaling a cry for help.
- Show anxiety or fear: Expressing fear about family conflicts or feeling overwhelmed by worries about the future, which may lead them to consider escaping.
Direct or indirect intentions to run away
Teens might show direct or indirect signs of wanting to leave home. They might do this by:
- Talking about leaving: Mentioning running away or moving out, sometimes in jest, but should not be ignored, as these comments could indicate the presence of a runaway teen planning their escape.
- Packing belongings: Starting to pack personal items such as clothes, shoes, or essentials without any apparent reason might suggest they are preparing to leave home.
- Researching escape options: Looking online for places to go or how to leave home without being noticed.
Desire for independence
Sometimes, teens who run away do so because they want to be in control of their lives. This can be seen when they:
- Demand more freedom: They push for greater control over their decisions, such as where they go and who they interact with.
- Make decisions without consulting you: They start making important life choices without informing you.
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How can parents help prevent their teens from running away?
Preventing a teen from running away requires creating a supportive, open, and understanding environment. Here’s how you can go about it:
Build open communication
Creating an environment where your teen feels heard and understood can prevent them from wanting to run away. 2 To build open communication:
- Listen actively: When your teen talks, give them your full attention. Avoid interrupting or rushing to offer solutions; listen and acknowledge their feelings.
- Validate their emotions: Show understanding of their struggles, even if you disagree. This reassures them that their feelings matter.
- Encourage honesty: Let them know they can talk to you about anything without fear of judgment or harsh consequences. Building trust in this way can discourage running away.
Address underlying issues
Running away often stems from deeper emotional or family challenges. Identifying and addressing these issues can prevent teens from considering escape. Parents should:
- Seek mental health support: If your teen struggles with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues, professional help can equip them with tools to cope.
- Consider family counseling: If family conflicts contribute to the tension, therapy can improve communication and resolve conflicts.
- Have open discussions about rules: Talk to your teen about household expectations and rules. Be willing to explain and adjust when necessary to help them understand your reasoning.
Foster a sense of belonging
Teens who feel isolated or unsupported may consider running away. Strengthening their sense of belonging can help reduce this urge.
Here’s how:
- Support healthy friendships: Encourage your teen to form positive friendships and spend time with peers who have a good influence.
- Get them involved in activities: Encourage your teen to participate in extracurriculars or hobbies that give them a sense of purpose and belonging.
- Spend quality time together: Make time for family activities to strengthen your bond. A positive connection with family can discourage feelings of isolation.
Set healthy boundaries and expectations
Teens need structure, but they also need room for independence. Striking the right balance in setting boundaries can help prevent runaway thoughts. Here’s what you can do:
- Set clear rules and consequences: Ensure your teen understands the expectations at home and the consequences for breaking the rules. Consistency is key to building trust.
- Allow flexibility when appropriate: Be open to negotiating rules that affect their growing independence. This shows respect for their needs and helps maintain a positive relationship.
- Model respectful behavior: Demonstrate respectful communication and self-control. Teens are more likely to follow these behaviors when they see them modeled at home.
Offer emotional support and reassurance
Emotional support is critical in helping teens feel safe and loved. Offering reassurance can prevent feelings of loneliness that may lead them to run away. Here’s how to support them emotionally:
- Be emotionally available: Show your teen you’re there for them during difficult moments. Let them know they can rely on you for support.
- Boost their self-esteem: Praise their efforts and accomplishments. Helping them build confidence reduces the urge to escape negative feelings.
- Stay calm in conflict: When disagreements arise, stay composed. Reacting calmly helps your teen feel safe and supported rather than driven away.
Monitor and limit exposure to negative influences
Teens may run away due to peer pressure or negative influences. Monitoring their social environment and setting limits can help keep them safe. 3 Consider:
- Getting to know their friends: Spend time interacting with your teen’s friends to understand their social circle better and identify potential negative influences.
- Limiting harmful media access: Monitor their use of social media or online platforms, ensuring they’re not exposed to harmful content or peer pressure.
- Setting boundaries with friends: Establish clear rules about who your teen can spend time with, especially if certain friendships encourage risky or rebellious behavior.
What should parents do when their teenager runs away?
When a teenager runs away, it can be an overwhelming and emotional experience for parents. However, knowing how to respond calmly is crucial in ensuring their safety and helping them return home. Here’s what parents should do:
Stay calm and avoid panic
Feeling anxious and worried when your teen runs away is natural, but reacting impulsively or in anger can escalate the situation. Instead, try to:
- Take deep breaths: Stay as calm as possible to think clearly and make rational decisions.
- Avoid blaming: Refrain from blaming your teen during this crisis. Focus on finding solutions and getting them the help they need.
Immediately contact trusted individuals
Reach out to people who might have information or who can help. This can include:
- Friends and family: Contact your teen’s close friends, relatives, and anyone they trust. They may know where your teen is or with whom they’re with.
- School officials or counselors: If your teen is in school, reach out to teachers or counselors who might be able to offer insight or connect you to support.
- Social media: Check their social media accounts for any posts or messages that might hint at their location or plans.
Contact authorities if necessary
If your teen is gone for an extended period or if you’re concerned for their safety, it’s important to involve the authorities. You should:
- Call the police: Report your teen as a runaway to the local police. Provide important details like their description, where they were last seen, and any places they might go.
- File a missing child report: This can initiate a search, and the police can help track down your teen and ensure their safety.
- Call the National Runaway Safeline: Contact the National Runaway Safeline (1-800-RUNAWAY or 1-800-786-2929). They can provide support, resources, and guidance to help locate your teen and connect them with appropriate services.
Reach out for emotional support
This is a difficult time for both you and your teen. Seeking emotional support can help you stay grounded and focused on getting your teen back home safely:
- Talk to a counselor or therapist: Having someone to talk to can help you manage your stress and emotions.
- Join support groups: Find local or online support groups for parents of runaway teens where you can get advice from others who understand your situation.
How can parents support their teen runaways when they come home?
When a teen returns after running away, it’s crucial for parents to respond with understanding, patience, and care. Rebuilding trust and addressing the reasons behind their decision to run away will help heal the relationship. Here’s how parents can support their teens:
Create a welcoming and safe environment
The first step in supporting a teen after they return home is to make them feel safe and welcome. To do this:
- Avoid harsh reactions: It’s natural to feel anger or frustration but avoid blaming or punishing your teen immediately. Focus on showing relief and compassion that they’re home.
- Reassure them of their safety: Let your teen know they are safe and loved. Comfort them and remind them they can always come to you, no matter what. Make sure your home feels like a safe place where they can feel secure.
- Provide a calm space: Offer a quiet space where your teen can relax and gather their thoughts. This allows them time to process their emotions and feel secure at home.
Have an open, non-judgmental conversation
Communication is essential to understand why your teen ran away and to address any underlying issues. Approach this conversation with care:
- Listen actively: Let your teen speak without interrupting or offering solutions immediately. Validate their feelings, even if you disagree.
- Ask open-ended questions: Instead of pressuring them for answers, ask questions that invite your teen to express themselves. For example, “What led you to leave?” or “What do you think would improve things at home?”
- Avoid blame: Focus on understanding their actions rather than criticizing them. This approach builds trust and opens the door for honest discussion.
Address the underlying issues
Running away is often a result of deeper emotional, psychological, or family issues. Identifying and addressing these can prevent it from happening again:
- Discuss any emotional struggles: If your teen has been dealing with mental health challenges, like anxiety or depression, ensure they have access to support from a therapist or mental health professional.
- Resolve family conflicts: If tensions at home contributed to the runaway behavior, work together to resolve them through family therapy or open communication.
- Encourage healthy coping skills: Help your teen develop healthy ways to manage stress, such as engaging in hobbies, exercising, or practicing mindfulness. These alternatives can offer better solutions than running away.
Be patient and understanding
Supporting a teen who has run away takes time. It’s important to:
- Allow time for healing: Your teen may need time to rebuild trust and adjust to family life. Be patient with their emotions and responses as they re-enter the home environment.
- Offer reassurance: Regularly remind your teen that you are there for them and that they are loved. Unconditional love can be incredibly healing during this time.
- Respect their boundaries: While staying connected is important, respect your teen’s need for personal space and time. Let them know you’re available when they’re ready to talk.
Seek professional support
If the issues that led to your teen running away are serious or ongoing, professional help might be necessary. This can include:
- Family therapy: Family therapy can help address deeper issues within the family and improve communication between you and your teen.
- Individual counseling for your teen: A mental health professional can help your teen work through any personal struggles, such as anxiety, depression, or trauma, that may have influenced their decision to run away.
- Support for you as a parent: Parenting a teen who has run away can be emotionally challenging. Consider seeking therapy or joining a support group to help navigate your feelings and better support your teen.
Final thoughts
If your teen has run away, it’s important to approach the situation with patience and understanding. Open communication and addressing underlying issues can help your teen heal and rebuild trust. If you’re finding it difficult to manage, our residential treatment center provides a safe, supportive environment to help your teen work through these challenges. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone.
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Sources
1. Holliday, S. B., Edelen, M. O., & Tucker, J. S. (2016). Family functioning and predictors of runaway behavior among at-risk youth. Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal, 34(3), 247–258. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10560-016-0459-z
2. Zhang, Q., Pan, Y., Zhang, L., & Lu, H. (2021). Parent–adolescent communication and early adolescent depressive symptoms: The roles of gender and adolescents’ age. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 647596. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.647596
3. Kerr, M., & Stattin, H. (2015). Parental monitoring and adolescent problem behaviors: How much do we really know? International Journal of Behavioral Development, 40(3), 360–370. https://doi.org/10.1177/0165025415592515
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Chandler
Author: Editorial Staff
DECEMBER 23, 2024