Talking to a teenager with anxiety can feel challenging as they might struggle to express their feelings or open up. This makes it challenging to provide support to them. This guide offers compassionate advice to help you navigate these conversations and build trust with your teen.
How to start the conversation about anxiety with your teenager
Talking to your teen about anxiety disorder requires sensitivity and a clear focus on making them feel understood. Teens may feel embarrassed, unsure, or overwhelmed by their emotions, so creating a safe space for discussion is crucial. Here’s how to approach it:
Pick the right time and setting
Anxiety can feel overwhelming, so it’s essential to approach the conversation when your teen feels more at ease. You can set the stage by:
- Choosing a low-stress moment: Look for a time when your teen seems calm, such as after dinner or during a relaxed activity. Avoid high-pressure moments like just after school or before a big event.
- Limiting distractions: Ensure the space is quiet and free of interruptions, like phones or other distractions, so they feel your full attention.
- Keeping the tone casual: Approach the conversation naturally, like during a walk or a shared task, rather than sitting them down for a formal talk.
Start the conversation with care
The way you open the discussion about anxiety sets the tone for how your teen responds. Ease into the topic by:
- Making gentle observations: Say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed stressed about school lately,” to show you’re paying attention.
- Asking about their experience: Use open-ended questions like, “What’s been making you feel worried?” instead of assuming their feelings.
- Avoiding labels: Don’t immediately frame their behavior as anxiety. Instead, focus on the feelings they’re experiencing, like worry, stress, or unease.
Show that you understand and care
Teens with anxiety may worry about being judged or misunderstood. You can help them feel safe by:
- Validating their feelings: Acknowledge their experience with phrases like, “I can see why that would make you nervous.”
- Avoiding minimizing statements: Reassure them that their feelings are valid instead of saying, “It’s not a big deal” or “You’re overthinking.”
- Letting them know they’re not alone: Share that many people, including teens, experience anxiety, and it’s okay to talk about it.
Be patient and keep the conversation open
Teens may not share everything in one conversation, and that’s normal. Build trust and keep the dialogue ongoing by:
- Giving them time to process: Let them take breaks if they seem overwhelmed, and remind them they can return to the topic when ready.
- Following up gently: Check in occasionally with questions like, “How are you feeling about what we talked about?”
- Encouraging small steps: Praise their effort to share, even if it’s just a little, to show you value their openness.
How to talk about seeking professional help for anxiety
Discussing professional help with your teen can feel delicate, but framing it as a supportive step rather than a judgment can make them more receptive. 1
Introduce the idea gently
Bringing up professional help should feel natural and reassuring. You can start the conversation by:
- Connecting it to their feelings: Say something like, “It sounds like the anxiety has been tough for you—what do you think about talking to someone who specializes in treating anxiety?”
- Normalizing therapy: Let them know that many youths see therapists or counselors to work through stress, worries, or other challenges.
- Emphasizing it as a resource: Explain that therapists can provide support and guidance to help them feel more in control of their emotions.
Reassure them of confidentiality
Teens might worry about privacy when talking to a mental health professional. Ease their concerns by:
- Explaining confidentiality: Let them know that therapy is private and that their sessions are a safe space to share feelings openly.
- Discussing exceptions briefly: Reassure them that only safety issues (like harm to themselves or others) would require sharing information, and they would be involved in that process.
Address their concerns
Teens may worry about seeking help, so listening and empathizing with their feelings is important. Be prepared to:
- Acknowledge their fears: If they’re hesitant, say, “I understand it might feel strange or intimidating at first, but a therapist is there to help, not judge.”
- Clear up misconceptions: Explain that therapy isn’t about being “broken” or “in trouble”—it’s a safe space to explore feelings and find solutions.
- Let them ask questions: Encourage them to share any concerns, like what therapy involves or how it could help.
Focus on the benefits
Help your teen see professional help as a positive step. Highlight the ways it could make a difference by:
- Framing it as empowering: Explain that therapy can teach them coping skills to handle stress.
- Talking about practical outcomes: Share that they might feel more relaxed at school, more comfortable in social situations, or better able to focus.
- Reassuring them of your support: Let them know you’ll be there to help them throughout the process, whether that means finding the right therapist or talking about what they’re learning. 1
Consider school-based support
If therapy feels like a big step, starting with a school counselor can be a helpful first step. You can:
- Explain their role: Let your teen know that school counselors are there to help with academic pressures, social issues, and mental health concerns.
- Suggest a meeting: Encourage them to visit the counselor’s office to see if it feels comfortable.
- Collaborate if needed: Offer to meet with the school counselor to discuss additional support for your teen.
Involve them in the process
Make your teen feel included in decisions about seeking help. This can make them more willing to engage. Try:
- Exploring options together: Research therapists or counselors who specialize in teen anxiety and let them have a say in choosing one.
- Explaining what to expect: Share what the first session might look like so they feel more prepared.
- Giving them space to adjust: Let them ease into the idea at their own pace, and don’t pressure them to share every detail about therapy if they’re not ready.
Be a role model for your child’s mental health
Teens often learn how to manage stress and emotions by observing the adults around them. 2 Here’s how you can set a positive example:
Show how to manage stress calmly
Your reactions to stress can influence how your teen responds to their challenges. You can demonstrate this by:
- Practicing calm responses: Handle setbacks with a steady approach, showing your teen that stress doesn’t have to interrupt their day or escalate their worries.
- Using relaxation techniques: Let them see you taking deep breaths, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness when you feel overwhelmed.
- Acknowledging your emotions: Share that it’s okay to feel worried or stressed and that managing it takes practice.
Prioritize self-care
Demonstrating self-care shows your teen the importance of taking time for themselves. You can prioritize self-care by:
- Maintaining a balanced routine: Show them how you incorporate rest, exercise, and hobbies into your day.
- Talking about mental health openly: Mention when you take steps to recharge, like setting aside time to relax or seek support.
- Taking care of your physical health: Highlight how proper sleep, nutrition, and physical activity can positively affect your mood and stress levels.
Model open communication
Teens with anxiety benefit from having healthy conversations about emotions and challenges. You can model this by:
- Talking about your feelings: Share moments when you felt anxious and how you addressed them to normalize discussing emotions. A teen may feel more comfortable opening up when they see you sharing honestly.
- Using positive self-talk: Let your teen hear you reframe negative thoughts into supportive ones, like, “This is tough, but I’ll handle it.”
- Asking for help when needed: Show them it’s okay to reach out for support, whether from a friend, family member, or even a helpline.
Practice problem-solving together
Teens are more likely to approach problems constructively if they see you doing the same. Guide them by:
- Breaking down challenges: Show how you divide big tasks into manageable steps, reducing overwhelm.
- Finding solutions collaboratively: Involve them in discussions about handling situations, like scheduling or managing conflicts.
- Staying flexible: Demonstrate how to adapt if things don’t go as planned.
Encourage self-confidence and resilience
Helping teens believe in their ability to handle challenges can reduce anxiety and build resilience. You can support them by:
- Praising their efforts: Celebrate their achievements and recognize their progress, even in small steps.
- Breaking tasks into steps: Guide them in approaching overwhelming challenges by dividing them into smaller, more manageable parts.
- Supporting gradual exposure to fears: Assist them in facing anxiety-provoking situations step by step, acknowledging their successes to build confidence.
- Teaching positive self-talk: Help them develop affirmations like, “I can get through this,” to reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.
Final thoughts
Talking to your teen about their anxiety takes patience, understanding, and creating a space where they feel safe to share. Reassure them that their feelings are valid, and let them know you’re there to support them through it. If their anxiety doesn’t improve, reaching out to a professional can provide the guidance they need to feel better.
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Sources
1. Hassett, A., Green, C., & Zundel, T. (2018). Parental involvement: A grounded theory of the role of parents in adolescent help seeking for mental health problems. SAGE Open. https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244018807786
2. Burstein, M., & Ginsburg, G. S. (2010). The effect of parental modeling of anxious behaviors and cognitions in school-aged children: An experimental pilot study. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(6), 506–515. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2010.02.006
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